Holidays Still aren't all They're Cracked up to be-Especially if your a Turkey

Well, here my outlok on this years Thankgiving.I'm sober and not everyone elswe is. I will have to deal with my fathers alcoholism but this is what I do. I limit the amount of time I spend with him and I spend time with him early in the day before he's really crocked.  I love my dfad I just don't love his drinking, just like I'm his daughter but he hates the fact I was a crack adddict and a whore.  He actually came and found me wowrking the street one day in early fall I don't remember what year. He was with hiss wife and they thought they were going to be able to save myself from me .  The problem was I wasn't done getting high yet.  I saw the Trailblazer they wer in and turned around and started walking in the other direction they saw me and his wife got out to talk to me. they said come home stop doing this and told them it wouldn't ber the effort cuz I would just leave again I still wanted to get high I wasn't done with my run. So they got in their truck and started to leave but of course a cop car appeared out of nowhere and they flagged it down.  As I was on foot and homeless I didn't have much chance of escape. The cop pulled over and gave me the usual questions but added your family is right there. I had to empty my pockets and my dad was amazed he saw his first crack pipe and was curious he had never seen one before and asked the cop tot look at it. It was a very good one but it served its purpose I jerry-rigged it out of a pen cuz I kept gettin tired of having to give others my crack to use their pipe.  Anyway the cop let me go but he took back to a threee quarter house.  I had to promise to stay.  I went to treatment again the next day.Anyway back to theholidays, I have a home and a loving dpuppy. My bills are paid and I have clean clothes and food in the refrigerator. Hell, I have a refrigerator. I remember having a midnight yard sale where the washing machine, refrigerator, and stove all left and all I got was crumbs.So I ended up having to go hoe that night in order toget the high I was really looking for.This year I am not making a big production out of thanksgiving I am just being grateful.  I don't really like turkey anyway, it's too dry.  But this year I can be warm and comfortable I can take a nap without having to keep one eye open for my safety I don't even have to carry my knife however on occassion when I wiill be out late at late and alone I do. It's saved my life before, but this one is nicer and bigger.I haven't been around for the holidays for so long that people forget that I am avaoilable now.  My mom still doesn't want anything to do with me. I need to make sure I don't wallow in self-pity too much on this subject or picking up might become an option.  I have a choice but sometimes my mind likes to trick into thinking I'm smarter than last time after look at all you learned last time.  However that's my disease waiting to put me into it's fatal aspect.I can call my daughter, but I can't see her and my calls are screened. but I can tell her I love her and wish her a happy thanksgiving and let her know I'm thinking of her and let her know I'm there for her. She's 14 and will need the comfort of a mothers love soon. high school, boys etc. Hell, i'm turning 39 monday and I still miss the comfort of my mothers love.Sometimes there are things only our mommies can help make us feel better.Anyway my dad is stopping over early for a couple hours and then one of my sponsees might stop over later. AI actually have a comfortable place that is mine where people know where I am and canvisit. What a change.I can only imagine where I'll be in 5 years from now if I continue to do the right things.  My Higher Power lets me know I have a choice because I remember when I didn't have one, and My Higher Power let's me know the unimaginable is possible with effort.  I will be content this year to hang out with my puppy in my home, but my emotions will still be mixed.  Because I was a turkey for so long, my goose is cooked when thanksgiving comes around. I need to look at it as just another day.  Another sober day.  Emotions I have run from for so long will crop up and I need to feel them but I need to deal with them in bite-size pieces. Otherwise I will become so overwhelmed I'll either use or end up in a mental institution again.I wish all my reader a grateful Thanksgiving remember the small things we have now that we didn't have a year ago. Progress takes time and my Higher Power learned not to give me everything back again early, I now have to be patient and put more effort into regaining my material possessions. I appreciate them more that way.  Be careful, especially with open drinks, not all people can be trusted and some will trick you and put things in your drink to get you started again.And most importantly, Love Yourself. For who you are today, not for the hell you went thru to get here but that thru grace and mercy you are here. You are a survivor like me. There's a purpose and meaning for your life that's why we didnt die in the madness.