Being Ethical Sucks Sometimes

I am sitting in my two bedroom house, all my bills are currently paid up to date and I live with a 6 month old chihuahua Tasia, who is my angel.But I am out of cigarettes, when i was using this wasnt a major problem because at this time of day men are on their way to work, and I could pick up a quick trick or two and have a pack of cigarettes with money to spare.  Although I didn't have the house, or the dog, or the paid bills , I had cigarettes.  I smoke about 1 1/2-2 packs a day. Its not because i want to be cool or "fit-in", it's not because of my nerve condition, I have medication for that, it's because I enjoy it.  I lent out some money the other day and now That person is going with while I'm going without. I won't make that mistake again.  I have observed him borrow money from other people in the past and he always paid them in a timely manner but I am the one he chooses to screw and make wait.  Probably bevcause we used to date, and being flighty I forgot how much he tried to control my life.  At times, he still does. I mean he doesn't offer suggestions he says you need to . . . and this is starting to get really frustrating it's part of the reason I moved out his apartment and got my own house. It's odd I always think I'm gonna write about a specific subject and then I end up way over in Cairo.  That's the capital of Egypt for those who don't know. My mind is filled with tons of useless information. I have a thing with numbers I wish I could forget many of them But I memorize numbers all the time and can't forget them. I still know my phone number from when I was 5 years old, what am I gonna do with that useless tidbit, I wish I had a backspace button for that part of my brain to make room for all the shit I forget due to my ADD. I was diagnosed with that as an adult.  I just lose focus a lot and start many projects because I get sidetracked but then nothing ever actually gets completed. So anyway, my ex is gonna bring over a couple cigarettes when he drops his nephew off to school this morning but see here lays the problem, why should he have a whole pack of cigarettes that he bought with the money he borrowed from me and I should just get a couple cuz he doesn't approve of the way I spent the rest of my money, but Big Deal, it was MY Money, if I wanted to buy some scratch-off lottery tickets, I'm allowed.  If I want to buy several packs of cigarettes because I know what a big smoker I am thats my business how fast I smoke them.  He has a tendency to always esclaim What you're out of cigarettes didn't you just buy a pack?  So what if I did? It's my body their doin the damage to and my money. He really does still try to control my life, but I rely on him for transporatation a lot even though he gives me a reduced rate for shuttling me around I think I might start taking the bus.  It would be cheaper and less of a headache but I will still keep him on as my maid.  I suffer from a pinched nerve, degenertive, disc, and a herniated disc all in the middle section of my spine so I can't sweep, mop, vaccum, or wash my shower walls, and all the bending to clean in the bathroom ends up taing a toll on me..  So I hire him to once a week do all these chores for me.  That I am getting a good deal at Ten dollars a cleaning.  The pain I would suffer doing those tasks is removed so it's worth every penny to me.